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Never Work with Children or Animals


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Turns out I attended a wedding prior to the mysterious rash wedding of the mid 80’s. At this wedding of my mum’s little brother I was given the important role of flower girl. It was the only time I was a flower girl and after talking to mum about it, there is a good reason why. I am about to tell you all something that I was not comfortable with hearing myself. I listened in utter disbelief to my mum, cringing that I would do such a thing. You see growing up, generally I was a good kid. I did what I was told, never skipped school, got good grades but for this wedding I just could not handle the responsibility of being the flower girl and the lengthy church service was a bit too much for this toddler to take.

I didn’t throw my basket or chuck a temper tantrum. No. Much worse! All my mum could do was stare in horror as she watched her daughter lie on her back and scoot under the swathes of fabric that was my aunties wedding dress. Over the years mum has questioned what possessed her to have children and this was one of those moments as she glared at my little feet poking out from under the bride’s bustle. The priest was caught up in his sermon to notice and my aunt and uncle tried to act as normal as possible and my mum hissed at me to get out. Then I started to giggle and I announced to the entire wedding party that my aunty had a big spider (as I write this my face is burning up). I took what was to be my uncle’s surprise on his wedding night and shared it with the whole church.

Mum by this stage was looking to the heavens and praying for divine intervention. Instead of me being smote down with lightening, my feet vanished under the dress and all they could hear was me giggling. It would probably have been less painful if I was to be struck by lightning compared with what mum was going to do when she finally got her hands on me. Some cultures have a tradition where the bride and groom leap over a broom. My aunty had to leap over a toddler who was lying flat on her back under the wedding dress. I can assure you all that I behave myself at weddings. That was the only time I crawled under a Bride’s dress. I wouldn’t do it now! But I guess it is kids like me who can make a bridal party a tad nervous.

At my own wedding, we had children attend the ceremony (they were also allowed to be at the reception but their parents chose to have a night off and get in a sitter), but we didn’t have a flower girl or page boy. You only have to watch Funny Home Videos to see the countless clips of flower girls and page boys gone bad, but don’t stress! If you are having children at your wedding and in particular as part of the wedding party have some faith in that they will be relatively behaved. My daughter was the flower girl at my brother-in-law’s wedding. At the time she was 1 year old and it was seriously cute. She walked down the aisle with me, in a pretty pink dress to match the bridesmaids, little pink slippers that her aunty had picked out for her. I was a nervous as to how she would go during the ceremony but after we got to the altar, she was only too happy to snuggle up with the mother of the bride and watch what was going on. That night at the reception she sat at the bridal table with us and my brother and sister-in-law had made sure her high chair was decorated to match the table. It was adorable and she was made to be such a special part in her aunt and uncle’s big day. They even shared a dance with her! That meant so much to Mike and I.

My brother and his fiancé are going to have his daughter (from his first marriage) and his fiancé’s niece as their flower girls. In the lead up to their wedding they will have a practice run with the girls so they know what they will be doing. In showbiz they say never work with children or animals, but if you are going to have page boys and flower girls you can get in some practice runs before your big day, or read the parents the riot act before the wedding! J I am sure their mum and dad will do their upmost to ensure their child does not steal your thunder. If you are going to have a lengthy ceremony you may want to rethink having young children in the wedding party. If there happens to be a hiccup in that a flower girl basket is tossed or the page boy does not want to hand the rings over at least it makes for a funny memory and a possible prize from Funny Home Videos! Kids will be kids and if you have invited them to your wedding and to be a part of your wedding you obviously understand and appreciate that. They are innocent and really know how to have fun – which is why Mike and I invited children to our wedding. Besides, despite what happened at her wedding my aunty absolutely adored me and would always tell me I was her favourite niece.  



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